"Dreaming With a Broken Heart"

I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy. For several years now, there has been an emptiness in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have had some good times, but ever since this one day in 06, my life has been incomplete. I've become such a pro at faking a smile. There is always some shit happening in my life. I always feel so alone. Lately, its gotten worse. The other half of my heart is doing what the other half did. The 2 people I love most in this world abandoned me. One physically and one emotionally and I don't know which hurts more. Yes, I know I have my friends, but there is only so much they can do. Sometimes I feel like even they are just there to pass the time. I have very few people that I trust, I have serious trust issues and I can only think of one person that I have ever opened my life to, my best friend. I know she didn't need to prove anything, but she has been the only person in my life that has ever loved me unconditionally. I cant even say that about my drug addict brother and sister that have shared the same pains I have. I know they all have their problems, but I always go that extra mile and I'm tired of being stepped all over. I'm just really stressed out lately that not even those fake friends can distract me. It sucks. I need to get my life back together and straighten out. Hope everything goes well on Tuesday so I can get that much needed start!! I just have to keep faking my smile and try to be optimistic!!! Lets do this!

And so I quote John Mayer... "when you're dreaming with a broken heart then giving up is the hardest part... then all at once you have to say goodbye..."